Getting Over My Fears For Gears

Photo by SARBPhotography

I have this vivid memory of walking out of a fish and chip shop with my mum when I was six. This was in our mini shopping area, about a cluster of six shops. It was a beautiful sunny day and I had gotten a sausage supper. I was so excited to eat it, right before I was knocked down.

A teenage girl was riding her bike really fast, stupidly so in a small shopping area, she didn't see me and she crashed right into me, just missing my mum. To this day, I still have a dent in the back of my head from where I met the concrete. And to this day, that memory has traumatised me. So much so that I stopped riding my own bike. Now 15 years later, I'm about to tackle that fear...

I live in a small town, it's not hard to get around, but it can be tiring and time consuming if you walk everywhere like I do. And so I decided that I needed a quicker method of transport. 

Buses were out; the costs would add up too much. 

Getting my own car was out too; that costs more than a bus. 

And so I was left with one option: getting a bike. 

The very first thing I did was justify getting a bike to myself because my fear was overriding my common sense if I had enough reason then no amount of fear could stop me.

The second thing I did was look online to see if adult stabilisers existed. Anyone who knows me knows that I have terrible luck and that my clumsiness is at unbelievably high levels. There was no chance I was getting back on a bike without a safety net. 

My gran and I talked about it more and she said that she would get me a bike as an early birthday present, like more than half a year early, but I agreed. Everyone - bar my mum and my boyfriend- I told about my idea was initially sceptical about me needing stabilisers, they laughed it off and said I’d be fine. When my gran and her partner saw me use my bike for the first time in 15 years, though, they believed me. I was so wobbly and unbalanced and very uncoordinated.

I've had my bike now for just over a few weeks now, maybe a month, and I’m still on my stabilisers and I intend to keep them on until I’m overflowing with confidence. Right now, my main goal is to fix my balance, my confidence and the strength in my legs. Without all those things, I won't get far without my stabilisers. I know it. It's a gut feeling. I need the confidence in myself. I need to feel like I have a better sense of balance before I put it to the ultimate test. I need to build the strength so I can go fast and push myself. 

I have a little area where I can cycle around in circles to practice, corners are tough for me honestly, and we have a lot of paths as well that I’ve been practising on. Everyone has marked a difference in my cycling skill, that I’m faster, I’m steadier and I’m more confident in myself and my skills. And you know what? I can see it too!

I’ve had mixed reactions from people when I’ve been out. A few old men on bikes have told me that I’m never going to learn by using stabilisers and that I don’t need them. A guy around my age stopped me and was asking if I was learning, so I told him what happened years ago, and he was really supportive and wished me luck. Then I’ve had kids who have actually pointed and laughed at me.

Yeah, I get it. I’m 20 coming on 21 and I have stabilisers on my bike.

But who cares? I sure as hell don’t. I’m proud of my progress so far. I know where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. As does my family and friends. There’s no shame in it. Shame and fear should never hold us back from doing what we want to do.

You might be thinking what the point of this post was, and I’m getting there, don't worry. My point is, I conquered a fear that I’ve had for 3/4 of my life and it feels good. I still get worried and I still have my moments where I can't keep my balance at all. I still haven't bumped up or down a kerb yet, and I’ll probably keep my stabilisers for a few months yet. But that feeling, of doing something that terrifies you to your very core, and overcoming it slowly, feels amazing.

Okay, there are far scarier things than riding a bike, like bungee jumping, but it's a personal fear, something that had always lurked. We all have them.

This is my challenge to you, if I can do it, then you can do it too. What scares you that you thought you’d never do? If it’s fear holding you back, push it to the side and work through it.

Do something that scares you. You might be surprised.

What scares you? What fear are you going to conquer? Let me know your thoughts down below in the comments and don’t forget to share with your friends!