Monday 27 March 2017

I Am A Sexist Feminist


These are two words that don't belong together.

Yet there they are in the same sentence.

I am a sexist feminist.

And I'm not the only one. You might be one too.

There was one night I was at my boyfriend's families house and then we had all (family included) went out for dinner. On the way back, my boyfriend's brother and I were desperate to go to the bathroom and he said he was going first. I retaliated with "What happened to ladies first?" and what he said back was a mental slap in the face.

"That's sexist."

And it was. It shut me up immediately and I couldn't stop thinking about it. That was about a year ago and I swore to myself that I would think about what I say more before I say it. And I'm failing. Even a year later, I only am able to seem to catch things after I've said them. And I hate it.

Granted, these things are never said to hurt anyone and I'm not trying to be sexist. And yes, things are said as a joke sometimes but these casual remarks of sexism on both sides, not just women, are only perpetuating that divide between the sexes.

I can hear it all around me.

"Male drivers!"
"Be a man."
"You fight like a girl."
"Ladies first."

And I'm no better. I realise immediately after when I've said something but that's not good enough. I identify as a feminist but I have a bad habit to kick with this. Phrases like these are so ingrained in us from childhood that it makes it really difficult for us to not repeat it. They just come out. That's where it all starts, that's where we pick things up that we hear and take everything in that we're being told. We take all that as fact and it's carried with us throughout our life. The thing is, we're never going to stop casual sexism this like in our speech unless we are consciously aware of what we're saying all the time. Otherwise, our kids will keep repeating us and their kids will repeat them and so on.

Aren't we, as feminists, supposed to be stopping casual sexism in everyday speech?

I know what I'm asking here from society and from you is hard. I know that being aware and stopping yourself from saying these things is extremely difficult. Like I said, I'm failing. But it makes me realise that I'm no better than these people who say these things and don't realise these phrases are sexist. They don't realise but I do. I know how harmful and sexist these simple phrases have become and because of that, I'd argue that I'm worse.

These phrases are said in a way and worded to put people down. Both males and females. And it's not right. You should be able to go through life and not be put down by stereotypes and sexist statements. Isn't that what we've been breaking these past few years? Stereotypes? Teaching people that they aren't restricted to a box that society made?

This is a hurdle that I think will be the hardest. Knocking these sexist phrases out of society, out of our speech and out of our heads will be the roughest hurdle. We still have many hurdles to go before full equality for everyone, but cutting out this kind of speech, it's going to be a long process.

In fact, cutting out any kind of sexist or homophobic or racist speech is a long process. I like to think we have made some good progress in the racist and homophobic speech but I am sheltered from that. We only notice the problems that directly affect us.

If we all took a few seconds to think about what we're saying before we actually say it, imagine how much of a difference that could make.

Let it start with us. Let us be the ones who start calling out these key phrases and stopping their progression any further. Let us all think before we speak. Let us all teach our future generation that phrases like these are not okay. Let us start with the most important step.

Ourselves.

What sexist phrases can you think of? Put them in the comments down below!

What are you like for phrases like this? Do you say them? Or are you better and have pushed them out already? Tell me in the comments down below and don't forget to share this on social media!

32 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean, it is like when my friends expect to be brought drinks on nights out or have the guys pay for dates, to me that is sexist to presume. But like you I am a feminist as well who has made a few choice remarks before realizing that it was wrong of me x

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  2. I think everyone makes sexist remarks in conversation it hard not to. However I don't take too much notice of them, often than not they are tongue in cheek comments.

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  3. I'm a sexist feminist and I didn't even realise it until now. Although my comments are only ever meant in jest x

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  4. I've definitely made remarks like these and I guess its something we do without thinking sometimes. I've never meant them in a way to be sexist though.

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  5. I've never thought about how sexist some of these remarks I've said myself are! THIs has really made me think and I'll be more careful of what I say now.

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  6. I've definitely made remarks like this in the past. Never really thought of them as sexiest though x

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  7. I never really thought about it like that, ladies first is such an obvious one, why should ladies be first?! x

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  8. We all make such remarks knowingly or unknowingly at some or the other point in our lives but i never thought of them as sexiest.

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  9. I really never thought about saying certain things makes me a sexist. I do believe though that men should do nice things for women, they should open the car door, they should let you go first at the bathroom and they should treat us nice.

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  10. wrote something about losing my feminist card a few weeks ago after telling my daughter she needed to "man up." oops

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  11. I would love to show this post to a pig I know and shove it up he arse. I had a similar experience - but over a telephone (don't ask!, he pushed his way forward and gave me the 'sexist' speech. I was mad but with this pig, you can't retaliate as he would loose his mind. So i clinched my fist and just let him get on with it.
    So yes, I know where you are coming from with this post. xx

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  12. You make a very good point about the sexist comments we hear against women as well as men.

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  13. I am a feminist but I have never really payed attention when people have used those phrases! I guess it shows it's become such a "norm" in our sayings/vocabulary people can become ignorant to it including myself!

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  14. Food for thought indeed! I am terrible for expecting chivalry and equality at the same time! You have got me thinking...

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  15. I have honestly never thought about these kinds of comments, but you are so right! I use them in my speech too, so I need to start thinking about what I say more x

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  16. I've never really thought about it like that but you are so right. We say things like that all the time without thinking of the message it sends. I'm going to make more of an effort not to

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  17. This post made me really think, I do say some of the things above like the ladies first, and a lot of the time we expect guys to buy our drinks and our meals on first dates. It's a weird one. x

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  18. haha you make a good point. We all say sexist remarks without even thinking about it... so weird when you stop and think about it.

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  19. You make a very good point I will say though we say sometimes sayings our mums said or our parents it's just when I was growing up a lot of those things were said. It really does stop and make you think though 😊

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  20. In my opinion things aren't always black and white. We say what we feel as humans and a lot of times comments like the one you made can be made in jest and not to be taken too seriously.

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  21. So much food for thought, I think we are all a little guilty of saying these things in jest though.

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  22. Totally agree with this and some people need to take note

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  23. I totally agree with what you're saying, even though I haven't actually thought about it in that way before! xxx

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  24. I haven't actually thought about it this way before, but I totally understand what you are saying as well.

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  25. I agree that it's a process. Just continuing to make the effort to recognise these things and correct them or call them out when you can is what makes the world a little bit better every day.

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  26. Thank you for being so honest! This can be a tough subject but it is so important!

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  27. I think people often make comments like this without thinking. It's hard to get out of the habit.

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  28. I am all for feminism! But these days every other person is shoving feminist views in everyones faces! The whole feminist movement started to have equal rights! and now everything wrong is justified by the casual speech of feminist views!
    What you said is so true! its because its been inbuilt in our system! We really need to get out of the habit and actually try be equal instead of having our cake and eating it too!

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  29. Very powerful food for thought. This is very tough, and at the same time touchy subject that should be explored more often but we dont. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights on the matter.

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  30. You are right, there are so many casual expressions in our vocabulary that sometimes we don't even realize that we're being sexists. I always say 'ladies first' when I hold the door for my male colleagues and let them go in first. And to be honest I don't know why. I don't want them to hold the door for me, nor do I want to insult them... it's just one of my annoying habits.. that I know I have to change!

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  31. You never hit a woman.

    When a woman rapes a child, "lucky kid"

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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